Homesick

They say home is where your heart is.
But that raises questions.
Where exactly is your heart at?
Making home adjustment can affect a heart.

Moving places to places can lose someone’s heart.
Leaving a homeless heart wondering around.
Making a person wonder where they want to be.
Cause this is not where I want to be.

My heart is nowhere to be found,
and it makes me wonder who I am.
Or where I want to be.
I am stuck in a place where I don’t want to be in.

I left my heart in a place it felt safe.
While I bring myself in a place my soul doesn’t want to be in.
Where myself, my soul, and my heart doesn’t agree.
To a point where being lonely is my only solution.

Tolerating the pain and suffering I feel.
Although in my head this situation isn’t as bad as I feel.

My head can’t really convince my long gone heart to feel safe.
My head can’t convince a soul that feels lost.
My head can’t convince my body not feel weak.
My head can just keep coping with the present.
“It takes a family to build a house, but only a heart can build a home.” ~ Unknown

Walls

Each day that goes by my walls are growing.
My walls to keep everybody out.
Each day I can feel myself blocking everyone.
Blocking people I’ve trusted for so long.

I have no answer to why I do.
My best explanation would be the feeling of rejection.
The respond I get from people.
The feeling they make me feel.

Giving assumptions before I can explain myself.
Thinking I’ll be judged before I complete my story.
Being filled with hurt when I open up.
It’s not a feeling I like.

Don’t think my walls make me happy.
In fact it brings pain that I can’t use my voice.
It kills me that my stories can never be told.
Sadness that fills my heart that can never go away.

I’ve experienced these walls and had them for a long time.
People breaking them down made me feel weak, yet complete.
I tried for so long to keep them off.
Now they are growing up again, and I have no control.

People might say I have the control and this is what I want.
Only if they have experience it, 

then they’ll no it’s not a paradise.
It’s a situation I wish no one to be in.

It’s a mental disorder that no one knows.
A sickness that is hard to heal.
The only medication is to know you can trust someone.
But no matter how strong that medication can be;
the sickness will always come back when the treatment is neglected.