Unconscious

I want to express my true form,
but it’s all a violent storm.
I want to speak up,
but I’ll just blow up.

I want to let go of myself,
but it’ll just be a blight on the shelf.
I want to cry and surrender,
but everyone knows me as a mender.

Is it only me that doesn’t have an expression?
Or disguising myself is my obsession?
Do I point finger on who to blame?
Or should I cover myself in shame?

I stay away from everyone because I know my capability,
but what’s great about me is my flexibility.
I know I act detach at certain occasions,
but this is my only way of evasion.

The point is I’m always fine,
because I’m always on cloud nine.
You will always see me smile,
because I make sure my presence is worthwhile.

It’s moments like this, where I deal with emotions,
that my head starts to create commotions.
As time flies the frustration disappear,
and I find myself writing this poem right here.

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~ Robert Schullner

Homesick

They say home is where your heart is.
But that raises questions.
Where exactly is your heart at?
Making home adjustment can affect a heart.

Moving places to places can lose someone’s heart.
Leaving a homeless heart wondering around.
Making a person wonder where they want to be.
Cause this is not where I want to be.

My heart is nowhere to be found,
and it makes me wonder who I am.
Or where I want to be.
I am stuck in a place where I don’t want to be in.

I left my heart in a place it felt safe.
While I bring myself in a place my soul doesn’t want to be in.
Where myself, my soul, and my heart doesn’t agree.
To a point where being lonely is my only solution.

Tolerating the pain and suffering I feel.
Although in my head this situation isn’t as bad as I feel.

My head can’t really convince my long gone heart to feel safe.
My head can’t convince a soul that feels lost.
My head can’t convince my body not feel weak.
My head can just keep coping with the present.
“It takes a family to build a house, but only a heart can build a home.” ~ Unknown

Alone

You thought they’ll stay, and give you what you were promised.

Would you be surprise if I tell you they’re plotting to leave you right now??

Would you be hurt if I tell you they are done playing with you and you mean nothing now??

What if I tell you, your so called ‘friends’ are backstabbing you right now??

Or how would feel if I tell you, your precious family lied to you??

That you were just one of the toys who was foolish enough to believe.

I can take your pain away.

Imagine being in a glass room, without any doors.

You’re standing in the middle of that safe room.

Here comes your family knocking on the glass, and just waiting for you to break it down.

Ignore it.

You’re still ignoring and their still knocking.

But, now here comes the people who you call friends.

Slamming their fist on that glass: yelling, screaming, and begging for you to break it down.

Ignore them.

Now they start to cry and give up. That’s good now expand your barricade.

Now imagine bunch of barb wires, and spikes emerging from the ground around your glass room.

Those are great because now your family is backing up on their own.

Oh great!

Now here comes the lover.

With his cannon beside him, while holding a bat at hand.

We can take him down easily.

Now bring out the concrete walls with electric wires around.

His trying his hard to get in, but he can’t. You won’t let him.

They’re a joke if they think they can bring down your defenses.

Stop. Now look. Just look beyond your walls.

Your so called ‘friends’ doesn’t want to be around you anymore.

Your family is ten miles away,

and your poor ‘lovers’ can’t think of anymore ideas to break down your wall.

Now tell me. Doesn’t that make you feel better and safer?

Now, no one can hurt you anymore.

 

“Sometimes it’s better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you.” ~ Hercules