Walls

Each day that goes by my walls are growing.
My walls to keep everybody out.
Each day I can feel myself blocking everyone.
Blocking people I’ve trusted for so long.

I have no answer to why I do.
My best explanation would be the feeling of rejection.
The respond I get from people.
The feeling they make me feel.

Giving assumptions before I can explain myself.
Thinking I’ll be judged before I complete my story.
Being filled with hurt when I open up.
It’s not a feeling I like.

Don’t think my walls make me happy.
In fact it brings pain that I can’t use my voice.
It kills me that my stories can never be told.
Sadness that fills my heart that can never go away.

I’ve experienced these walls and had them for a long time.
People breaking them down made me feel weak, yet complete.
I tried for so long to keep them off.
Now they are growing up again, and I have no control.

People might say I have the control and this is what I want.
Only if they have experience it, 

then they’ll no it’s not a paradise.
It’s a situation I wish no one to be in.

It’s a mental disorder that no one knows.
A sickness that is hard to heal.
The only medication is to know you can trust someone.
But no matter how strong that medication can be;
the sickness will always come back when the treatment is neglected.

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You

Meeting you was faith,

being with you is a chance.

I love how you’d make me smile

even just for a while.

Getting to know you was a grand,

the time spent with you was an experience.

You always know what to say.

We weren’t perfect,

but we were real.

Being around your arms is a dream,

seeing your smiles is a wish,

leaving you was a mistake.

Being with you again is hope.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment ~ Buddah”

Regrets

We regret things we’ve done in the past.

Things we aren’t proud of doing,

or things we cannot undo.

These regret scars us for life

due to we can’t fix the past.

These mistakes in the past

haunts us and affects our future, and our life.

Always thinking about the regrets we have,

and thinking of how we could’ve made a difference.

We keep blaming ourselves,

and we tend not to forgive ourselves.

We spend our present thinking about regrets we have in the past.

Not knowing about what we could do to ourselves by forgiving ourselves.

Not bothering to think about how we could be happy, instead of feeling guilt.

Hoping we could fix the regrets in life,

instead of a better tomorrow.

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” ~ Victoria Holt