Vulnerable

It’s nights like this that drives us to insanity.

When you have lost faith in humanity.

When the day can no longer be undone.

The time when you need someone.

 

When life has drove you to a breaking point.

And everything has been a disappoint.

The moment you have finally withdrawn.

And accept the failure of life’s marathon.

 

Wishing someone would come and bring relief.

Because you’re completely surrounded with grief.

When the enemy has broken down your defense.

And the pain has become too intense.

 

When you need a person to lean on with sorrow.

Someone who will reassure you of a brighter tomorrow.

Someone who will listen to all your problems even in the great beyond.

And someone that will correspond.

 

“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.” ~ Steve Jobs

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Fear To Feared

When I was younger the only thing I feared was getting caught.
I feared people would catch me when I was a naught.
Then I grew to fear around a stranger.
Because just like any kid I felt I was in danger.

I became afraid of the dark where the shadows lurk.
I remember comforting myself whenever I see that smirk.
Then many years came and I was afraid of love.
Because I always ended up to be a mourning dove.

It’s so funny how I now understand what my fear meant.
I was masking some things that were a torment.

I now realize that shadow was a flesh smiling at me.
I recognized that smirk of a He.
I was able to recall why I feared love or lust.
Being a fragile person made me learn to distrust.

But I am stronger now and I am in control.
I realized the person inside me is not just a glory hole.
Now darkness fears me and what I turned out to be.
The shadow now knows I am more than just a nobody.

Now with all of the things, I am going through I will soon be free.
And he will still be a shadow in the dark trying to flee.

“Fear is the brains way of saying that there is something important for you to overcome.” ~ Rachel Huber

Unconscious

I want to express my true form,
but it’s all a violent storm.
I want to speak up,
but I’ll just blow up.

I want to let go of myself,
but it’ll just be a blight on the shelf.
I want to cry and surrender,
but everyone knows me as a mender.

Is it only me that doesn’t have an expression?
Or disguising myself is my obsession?
Do I point finger on who to blame?
Or should I cover myself in shame?

I stay away from everyone because I know my capability,
but what’s great about me is my flexibility.
I know I act detach at certain occasions,
but this is my only way of evasion.

The point is I’m always fine,
because I’m always on cloud nine.
You will always see me smile,
because I make sure my presence is worthwhile.

It’s moments like this, where I deal with emotions,
that my head starts to create commotions.
As time flies the frustration disappear,
and I find myself writing this poem right here.

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~ Robert Schullner

Broken Dreams

I met my dreams in you
the things you do I wasn’t used to.
The kindness you shown me I will always remember,
Even after December.

The way you held my hands tight,
would always make my day bright.
When I felt that kiss you gave me
I can still remember my glee.

I felt protected every minute we were together
even though it didn’t last forever.
Now I shed these tears,
and I feel everything but cheers.

No, I didn’t write this poem to get you back
cause now I see my future with you is pitch black.
I wrote this poem not for that,
I hope you see where I’m getting at.

Writing this will help get myself in shape.
Cause I know it’s something I can’t escape.
My eyes no longer shed any tears for you,
because it’s my heart that’s having a hard time getting through.

I really hope you read this,
because I still remember our first kiss.
When we first met that day
I didn’t know this is what I had to pay.

But if they ask would I do it all over again if I could??
My answers will always be I would.
Even though I now know the result.
Pretending like I didn’t care about you will be an insult.

This is it for now I guess.
I just need to do this and express.
I have many more things to say but I will stop it.
Before I go. I’ll say I understand you, and that I admit.

“It’s not the good-bye that hurts, but the flashback that follows.” ~Unknown

Reminiscing

I’m here thinking about us,
and the things I wasn’t able to discuss
Everyday I wonder if letting you go was right,
and if I will ever be as bright.

But, I do wanna get a few things off my chest.
I still miss you more than you’ll ever guess.
My feelings for you are as present as before,
Although I know I was always a bore.

The things you told me before didn’t seem to be anything,
and now whenever I remember I feel my heart sting.
When you said the opposite attracts each other.
I now realize just how different we were from another.

Not once did I ever doubted anything you said.
And I trusted you wholeheartedly which made me dread.
Everything I hid from people came out as a surprise,
Which I believe you think were all lies.

I’m gonna cut the crap and be straight.
You were and always be great,
You have a place in my heart which is replaceable.
The relationship we had will never be erasable.

My feelings for you were and will always be solid.
I believe you had feelings even if you were a little stolid.
I wrote this because I missed you which I always do.
And missing you always leaving me feeling blue.

Now if you’re ever to read this.
Let’s just reminisce.
I just wanted to say this and let you be,
don’t message me.
(I will only cry so much)

Homesick

They say home is where your heart is.
But that raises questions.
Where exactly is your heart at?
Making home adjustment can affect a heart.

Moving places to places can lose someone’s heart.
Leaving a homeless heart wondering around.
Making a person wonder where they want to be.
Cause this is not where I want to be.

My heart is nowhere to be found,
and it makes me wonder who I am.
Or where I want to be.
I am stuck in a place where I don’t want to be in.

I left my heart in a place it felt safe.
While I bring myself in a place my soul doesn’t want to be in.
Where myself, my soul, and my heart doesn’t agree.
To a point where being lonely is my only solution.

Tolerating the pain and suffering I feel.
Although in my head this situation isn’t as bad as I feel.

My head can’t really convince my long gone heart to feel safe.
My head can’t convince a soul that feels lost.
My head can’t convince my body not feel weak.
My head can just keep coping with the present.
“It takes a family to build a house, but only a heart can build a home.” ~ Unknown

Walls

Each day that goes by my walls are growing.
My walls to keep everybody out.
Each day I can feel myself blocking everyone.
Blocking people I’ve trusted for so long.

I have no answer to why I do.
My best explanation would be the feeling of rejection.
The respond I get from people.
The feeling they make me feel.

Giving assumptions before I can explain myself.
Thinking I’ll be judged before I complete my story.
Being filled with hurt when I open up.
It’s not a feeling I like.

Don’t think my walls make me happy.
In fact it brings pain that I can’t use my voice.
It kills me that my stories can never be told.
Sadness that fills my heart that can never go away.

I’ve experienced these walls and had them for a long time.
People breaking them down made me feel weak, yet complete.
I tried for so long to keep them off.
Now they are growing up again, and I have no control.

People might say I have the control and this is what I want.
Only if they have experience it, 

then they’ll no it’s not a paradise.
It’s a situation I wish no one to be in.

It’s a mental disorder that no one knows.
A sickness that is hard to heal.
The only medication is to know you can trust someone.
But no matter how strong that medication can be;
the sickness will always come back when the treatment is neglected.